Not Up To You
by Shadow Silver Wolf
Summary: When a married Dark Side wife cannot take anymore...


**Not Up To You…**

I lay alone in my room, they had left a few hours ago yet their vulgar aroma still lingered in the air- like death had warmed over. The bruises began to appear; purple, black and blue clouds emerged from the depths of my pale white skin making my body seem more colourful. My clothes, though tattered and torn had stains of sad, sorrowful tears that again poured from my face.

_I'm sick of these beating  
I'm sick of my bruised tears_

I heard the shuffling of feet on the first floor, voices rang in the marble hallways and there laughs echoed cruelly in my ears- forever daunting me, forever haunting me.

_I hate this harsh abuse  
I hate living in fear  
_

I knew why they all did it; I knew they recorded each encountered with a muggle camera before placing the evidence in **his** study/ library on the wall. It was like a trophy wall of all the times he had destroyed me, all the times he had robbed me of my innocence and hope that someday, someone could save me.

_Don't share me around  
to all of your friends  
I'm not an object  
I want this pain to end_

I hear more voices, female ones this time but my hope dies before it even grew for I realize that their sickening sweet promises were from mere prostitutes. Cheap, easy whores that knew nothing of what lay upstairs for them knew nothing of this House of Pain.

_But will it ever end?  
How can it ever end?_

Dreams, or were they nightmares forever taunting me of escape from this bitter life; plagued me, intoxicating me with their sensual assurances.

_I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again_

Even if I could escape his grasps, I know that this would still haunt me until the day I die. Oh I hallucinated on the mere thought of it. The thought of my blood draining from my ensnared carcass, my body six feet under but my soul would be thousands of miles into the cloudless midnight blue sky.

_Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free  
_

He comes in the middle of the night, into my bedroom and takes me entirely, not even showering of the stench of his doing beforehand. Pure ice is touching me, embracing me wholly and taking me under the silk green sheets. Dizziness consumes my insanity stricken mind, nearly making me unconscious every time.

_A single touch from you  
Makes my stomach churn  
Each time you look at me  
I feel my insides burn  
Every time I have cried  
It was all because of you  
But every time I say no  
I just anger you_

"Do as you are told, dear." His words echo like a single command, all of his power suffocating me like the fog, or a heavily incapacitating cloud of blackening smoke. That last word, 'dear' made me shudder purely because of him- it almost made him sound like he actually cared about me. However in this reality, everything was the complete opposite.

_How can I stop this pain?  
Will I ever be the same?_

My parents sent me to a hell hole, an unescapable kingdom where all bow before me and yet I so dear wish to bow to them- not to this monster.

_I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again_

I don't care for anything now, everyone has abandoned me in some way, or have I abandoned them? So much hate has consumed my captor, hate for me, for our son, for muggles, for even Dumbledore- he hates it all.

_Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free_

And they hate him.

I've come to terms that I will never receive emancipation, not while he is alive and breathing his rotten revolting stench all over my life; however I cannot help thinking continuously about what would happen if I escaped.

Being free

Gratis

Liberated

Unconventional

Unusual

Scary

Impossible

_I can't take the pain  
That you inflict on me  
I'm going insane  
Trying to make you see  
That what you're doing is wrong  
Is really screwed up  
You know what you've done  
But you still can't get enough  
_

I have talked to many people through a secret spell drenched letter system that is certainly not full proof but it gets the word around fast enough.

Not fast enough for Sirius though.

I still ponder, at night in whilst taking my lengthily bath if I, instead of marrying this bastard and married the only escapee from Azkaban and where I knew I would happier. I had never told anyone about our encounters and I'm I sure nor did he. Never did I know what drew me to him, maybe it was the illusion of untamed animalism or possibly even his devilish charm- I would never know I suppose.

Oh how I wished I lay in his arms instead of my husbands.

_Never, no, not enough  
Or that's what you think  
I know I've had enough _

I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again  
Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free

A brisk rapping sound on the door, a knock, a stride or two and he was in my room. Another few strides and he was by my side, ripping off my clothes. It hurt, but I learnt never to cry. He stunk of freshly ripped flesh and blood but neither of us cared anymore; I blocked him out as best as possible whilst he began penetrating me again and again; over and over until I felt dizzying from the mixing of pleasure and utmost pain.

_All my dreams are broken  
This is my last choice  
I'm going to run away  
And I'm going to raise my voice_

"Stop." I blurted out; my voice was raspy from the lack of use.

And he did.

"What, in my great name did you say woman?" he whispered curtly, seizing my throat with one of his small pale hands- his other hand was still travelling all over me, like spiders crawling over my skin.

"I said stop, please stop, please." I choked out, my world fading in and out from the deficiency of oxygen.

His steely grey eyes glared at me, them themselves seeing right through my body and into my wingless, grounded soul.

"Never."

_I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again  
Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free_

And he went into me all over again.

He was still wearing his black hooded jacket I noticed, still bearing the knives and his wand from the 'meeting' with his 'clients'. I reached, trying not to be perceived whilst doing this. There was a tiny knife, small, sharp and extremely deadly I assumed.

I clasped this weapon with my right hand; I felt his hand placing more pressure onto my neck- Lucius had always gotten sexually excited over violent sex. I also knew that I was about to pass out in a few seconds so this was my last chance.

Last chance to survive

To stay alive

To be finally emancipated

My weapon of choice when in easily enough, I had stabbed Lucius Malfoy through his back- which is precisely what I had felt through out the time I had been strictly married to him.

"_But it's not up to you…"_

* * *

This is basically about Narcissa's life, what she feels etc.

The lyrics you see in there including "But it's not up to you..." are all mine due to I wrote it. BY MYSELF may I add. This is the full song:

_I'm sick of these beating  
I'm sick of my bruised tears  
I hate this harsh abuse  
I hate living in fear  
Don't share me around  
To all of your friends  
I'm not an object  
I want this pain to end_

But will it ever end?  
How can it ever end?

I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again  
Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free

A single touch from you  
Makes my stomach churn  
Each time you look at me  
I feel my insides burn  
Every time I have cried  
It was all because of you  
But every time I say no  
I just anger you

How can I stop this pain?  
Will I ever be the same?

I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again  
Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free

I can't take the pain  
That you inflict on me  
I'm going insane  
Trying to make you see  
That what you're doing is wrong  
Is really screwed up  
You know what you've done  
But you still can't get enough

Never, no, not enough  
Or that's what you think  
I know I've had enough

I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again  
Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free

All my dreams are broken  
This is my last choice  
I'm going to run away  
And I'm going to raise my voice

I want to run away  
Fade like yesterday  
I need to get away  
Never come back again  
Why can't you let me go?  
What do you know?  
You'll never let me be  
You'll never let me free

But it's not up to you

_

* * *

_

**Go me! Please review! I need feedback! wOOt! 0.o**

**Lalalallaalalalalla I hoped you enjoyed this... lalalallalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa mirror cracks Damn it! Not again!0.**

This was another story written in my boring computer class listening to Linkin' Park. wOOting enuses


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